Say Eh-Oh.

I just realised that I met the voice behind Dipsy of The Teletubbies at a conference last week and I had no idea until today.

Be impressed. If you’re aroused by this, that helps too.

I’m officially a celebrity. Well. My right hand is.

No, I didn’t wank, I shook his hand. Jeez.

HELLO CHILD. WHILE I’M NOT TEACHING YOU TO COUNT AND SHIT, I PIMP BITCHES IN MY SPARE TIME.

Business Time.

Well done if you got the reference. You have made me love you that little bit more.

My neighbours are fucking. Normally their baby wakes up in the middle of the night and it’s cries wake me up which I don’t really mind. But the shagging is pretty weird. No moaning from either of them. Just, noises made through the motions. It’s like two thrusts, pause, two thrusts, pause, and so on. It’s extra weird because not only can I not attempt to not hear them, they’re also a nice African Muslim couple who speak little English, but their heart is in the right place.

Trust me, it’s definitely them banging and not like I dunno, one of them is sawing a piece of wood while the other helps or some random shit. Is two thrust banging a thing? Is it more reproductive based rather than lust? *shudder* Stop thinking about it, they’re a nice family. Don’t taint it further with your input.

Guh. I might have to watch some violent nature documentaries to smear my mind with something else.

Light and Dark: Gladiator Edition.

It’d be really nice if the good side of me and the bad side of me just jumped out of my body and had a physical body for them to fight to the death over. And I’d just sit there. Watching. And the winner gets to come back into my body and we do whatever behaviour wise because frankly, I don’t like that responsibility and having to actively juggle the two. Just fight to the death, lemme be Caesar in this moment.

The Wall of Randomness.

Throwback Tuesday? Is that the right one? I can’t keep up with the latest things anymore. Say hello to The Wall Of Randomness. It’s shit I’ve accumulated over time that’s been stuck to my wall. Ranging from condoms (unused obviously. I’m not THAT bad), to Banksy art, to a table tennis racket, to foreign currency, to blunts, to a Gameboy Advance and so on. You get the gist. One of the few things I was proud of. Shame I had to take it down. Still. I loved this wall of crap.

Behold its beauty.

Behold its beauty.

Heartpalm.

Ok, so being super smitten on someone and thinking, “Oh shit, she’s got the same religion as me besides all the personality stuff. My mom would be alright with this if it got to the long run. OK! I’M GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS IN A REALLY AWKWARD WAY” is not helpful if she’s already gonna have an arranged marriage to someone whose family has been planning this for years.

Friendly Advice- Before even thinking about having any caring thoughts about anyone, do your damn social research beforehand. HNGGGGGGGGGG THERE GOES MY COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY DUE TO BITTERNESS AT NOTHING. Fuck it, I’ma be on Maury at this rate.